Juliet in Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” famously asks “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose; By any other name would smell as sweet.”
Not everyone agrees, of course. Sticking with the literary world, Anne (as in “Anne of Green Gables”) pondered that question and decided that if a rose was called skunk or even cabbage, it wouldn’t be thought of as kindly. A psychology study1 backs up Anne, at least when it comes to smells. Meanwhile in the movie version of Neil Simon’s “The Sunshine Boys,” Walter Mathieu runs down a whole list of inherently funny words, mostly ones that include the “k” sound. “Pickle is funny.”
I’ve been thinking about words, particularly labels, because at least three people since my son’s wedding last week asked me how I liked being “a mother-in-law.” I’m pretty sure it was said to be amusing while acknowledging what will undoubtedly be a change in several lives. I hope I responded with a smile instead of a snarl.
While comedians have often found as much humor in “mother-in-law” as in “pickle,” I can’t say that I do. The phrase comes with a stereotype that always seems to reek of misogyny and agism. Movie, television, comedy act mother-in-laws, at least in my memory, have always been meddlesome, nagging, afraid of change and determined to control every situation. And don’t even get me started on that 1961 song, “Mother-in-law.”
I know women who adored their spouse’s mother, sometimes more than their own. Mine had many fine qualities and more than a few quirks. The first time I met her, before marriage, she launched into a story about her son that was pretty interesting. And then she immediately repeated it. And then she told it a third time. When she hit round two, both my future husband and his father got up from the dinner table and left the room, leaving me captive to a woman who, I swear, could talk without breathing. It never really changed.
To her credit, she was not a meddlesome nag, even if I could have done without stories on endless repeat. My son once told me that she listed who was most important to her starting with him, followed by my husband, our dog and then me. I can’t say that I minded. My son thought it was hilarious.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to hear “mother-in-law”2 and not wince. But I am delighted to be one and hope I never, ever fit the comedic, musical stereotype.
“Oh, my mother-in-law,
Oh, she worries me so
Mother-in-law
She drinks all of my booze.” — “My Mother-in-Law,” sung by Etta James, written by George R. Davis, Lee Diamond
I also promise never to do that.
“Taken together, these experiments show that there is a lot to a name, at least when it comes to olfactory perception.” https://journals.physiology.org/doi/full/10.1152/jn.00896.2007
Mother-in-law is suegra in Spanish so I may hear that as often. If it carries negative connotations, I remain blissfully ignorant.
My sentiments exactly!